It is so troubling. Troubling enough to reach out to someone to speak upon it.
I have feelings, but I love someone else. Deeply. I want to decapitate the man that I find myself growing attached to ... feeling like he's important to me. I want to carve out the insides of his skull and wear his face as a mask. I want to love him, you see, and always feel his lips and skin upon me.
you love someone but have feelings for a different person, and these feelings etc make you want to wear his face on your face as a symbol of your growing love?
[ how does she get into these fucked up conversations oh my god ]
okay so the different shit coming to mind:
1. there are better ways to feel his lips and skin upon you, trust me. i mean it might just be my personal preference but i feel like faces feel better on my skin rightside out. plus if you cut off his head it's not like the guy you love is even still there, just his body and all that, which kind of defeats the purpose of loving him anyway unless you're one of those 'destroy what you love' kind of guys
2. the person you loved first - are they here? do they know about this? how would they feel about the whole face carving wearing thing
1. I don't want to destroy him. [Yet.] 2. No, they're not here. They know a little about what goes on in my head. He loves me. He still loves me. I waited for him for so long, and he finally arrived to see me. In my world. I was so happy. I could have died, then. But no, he knows nothing of the one I feel affection toward.
1. so try keeping his face on his face for now. maybe peel off other faces in his honor or something
2. if he's not here it doesn't count. that sounds kind of awful but you're not the first person with kind of this same problem here and it's not like you even remember any of this when you go back anyway, so it'll be like it never happened. no harm done etc.
1. I suppose that I could. It isn't very easy to peel off faces, you know. The skin usually rips. It takes a very delicate and patient hand to slowly remove the face from the skull. Usually, it helps if they've been starved a little. Loosens the skin. But who has the time to do that here? Still, that is an excuse, Sally. When you love someone, you should put the time in for them.
2. I won't remember? So it all washes away when I go home? When I return to the ground? I wonder if I should feel happy about that or not. I suppose I do. It is nice to know that it both does and doesn't mean anything.
It does give us all a certain aesthetic, doesn't it?
I suppose they would feel as though they're always dreaming. The trouble is that when they wake in their bed, they won't have it in them to feel peace or ease because they do not know what nightmare they have escaped. Sad, really.
I fear if I did stay here that I would go mad. Not in the way that you think. There is someone I love very much back in my world. If I chose to remain, I would be parted from him. The longing and knowing that I could never go back to there would cause me to be UPSET. Even if I am to be buried in the ground. Even if I will be dead in that world. Even if my last moments is just seconds away should they return me. I would be happy because it is in that world that he is, and where he will always be. My spirit, my life, my essence will be in that place for all time mingling with his through the ether of time.
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I have feelings, but I love someone else. Deeply. I want to decapitate the man that I find myself growing attached to ... feeling like he's important to me. I want to carve out the insides of his skull and wear his face as a mask. I want to love him, you see, and always feel his lips and skin upon me.
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you love someone but have feelings for a different person, and these feelings etc make you want to wear his face on your face as a symbol of your growing love?
[ how does she get into these fucked up conversations oh my god ]
okay so the different shit coming to mind:
1. there are better ways to feel his lips and skin upon you, trust me. i mean it might just be my personal preference but i feel like faces feel better on my skin rightside out. plus if you cut off his head it's not like the guy you love is even still there, just his body and all that, which kind of defeats the purpose of loving him anyway unless you're one of those 'destroy what you love' kind of guys
2. the person you loved first - are they here? do they know about this? how would they feel about the whole face carving wearing thing
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1. I don't want to destroy him. [Yet.]
2. No, they're not here. They know a little about what goes on in my head. He loves me. He still loves me. I waited for him for so long, and he finally arrived to see me. In my world. I was so happy. I could have died, then. But no, he knows nothing of the one I feel affection toward.
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2. if he's not here it doesn't count. that sounds kind of awful but you're not the first person with kind of this same problem here and it's not like you even remember any of this when you go back anyway, so it'll be like it never happened. no harm done etc.
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2. I won't remember? So it all washes away when I go home? When I return to the ground? I wonder if I should feel happy about that or not. I suppose I do. It is nice to know that it both does and doesn't mean anything.
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and yeah, not sure anyone really knows for sure how to feel about it
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I suppose they would feel as though they're always dreaming. The trouble is that when they wake in their bed, they won't have it in them to feel peace or ease because they do not know what nightmare they have escaped. Sad, really.
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i wish we could choose not to go back. like - and know it's going to hold, instead of wondering whether or not the techs will send us back anyway
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You want to stay here?
I fear if I did stay here that I would go mad. Not in the way that you think. There is someone I love very much back in my world. If I chose to remain, I would be parted from him. The longing and knowing that I could never go back to there would cause me to be UPSET. Even if I am to be buried in the ground. Even if I will be dead in that world. Even if my last moments is just seconds away should they return me. I would be happy because it is in that world that he is, and where he will always be. My spirit, my life, my essence will be in that place for all time mingling with his through the ether of time.
I have a lot of feelings tonight.
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[ with the feelings, not... been to his world. still, his reasoning is definitely something she can respect. ]
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So, all I am is sick in the head.
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that means i was sick in the head for years.
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But even so, even I know that it's wrong to compare the pain that I feel with others. It's unfair.
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you were murdered too?
here or back home??
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Here, too, though, but ... my feelings were already worsened by the time I got here.
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i just don't meet very many people who kicked it back home, is all.
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Death is so horrifyingly beautiful.