unmakes | ic inbox! ax flavor

Okay, okay - well there was totally the time I watched Aidan, like, stick his whole freaking arm into my corpse and pull out my heart with his bare hand, that was pretty gnarly. [ off to a good start, yeah? ] And then there was the thing with Stevie, that's the kid that ate his parents and stuff - like, there were a whole lot of mailman parts in that house, lemme tell you. It was seriously not good. [ she's not done listing, she's just feeding these to him a couple at a time, leaning her weight back onto her hands on the bed behind her. ]

[Wow yeah nothing like holding back. Eeesh. He pulls a little face at that first one, and his glance is totally toward her heart-area, not her tits, thank you.]

What the hell did he want your heart for? [And then:] Parts. Hang on, were his parents mailmen, or was this in addition to his-- hang on, he ate his parents? And this was when you were, er, feeling the urge to eat people as well?

[ which question does she even answer first? ...more importantly how did she end up in a place in her life where 'mailman parts' is the simplest thing to address? ]

Yes, he ate his parents, and no, they weren't mailmen. You do the math, I guess. [ and she doesn't miss much of a beat, but she's casually not looking him in the eye as she says: ] Yeah, though - that was right around then.

But like I said, it's not like I ever did that. Stevie was the only one who did - it was me, Nick, and Stevie, Nick's this other ex I had but he was dating Zoey who I guess could see dead people for some reason? Anyway, he started dating her again when he came back, and he did the thing I did where we just ate... y'know, animals and other super gross stuff. But then he tried to eat Zoey, so she freaked out and killed him.

[ her brow knits. ] Wow, I guess I'm literally the only one who didn't try to eat my loved ones at some point. [ another second or so of thought, but then she realizes: ] Oh right, the heart. That was after I did the whole... rotting-to-death thing? And I guess we needed my heart to keep Donna from eating my soul, or whatever the hell she even does with souls. Like, the magic was centered around the heart or something?

It was kind of stupidly complicated, Aidan was the one who figured it all out.

[Ri... ight. Sirius stays where he is, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands, but his brow starts to furrow midway through. Sally, your life.]

Well, congratulations on, er, not trying to eat loved ones. That's always a hurdle to overcome. [Is that too sensitive an issue? Whatever, he's already made the joke. Retroactively, it occurs to him that a once-maybe-flesh-eating-zombie-Sally now turned werewolf-Sally, might take extra offence--after all, he'd never joke about eating loved ones with Remus, he knows better--but it's too late, and no one ever said he was tactful.

So. Whatever. Anyway, now they're on hearts, and... pulling hearts out of chests, and... yeah.]

Merlin. That is some dark, dark magic. Your Donna is a real bitch. Er--he's not a wizard as well, is he? Aidan? [And, sort of rhetorically:] Why is everything so bloody complicated?

[ hey, at least now he's starting to see why she doesn't want him getting tangled up in her hot mess life. and also, he's lucky she's super difficult to legit offend, because while she makes a dry sort of 'ha ha, funny' face at his comment, there's clearly no harm done.

to the question about aidan, she shakes her head. ] What? No way. Like, I don't think you even can be a wizard if you're a v- [ FUCK SALLY CENSOR YOURSELF ] -vvvvery good friend of Josh's. He's kind of touchy. [ nailed it.

........okay, she didn't nail it at all, that was so so obviously a drunken cover-up. ]

[Impeccably, slowly, Sirius raises his left eyebrow as that explanation goes on. Very good friend indeed.]

Yeah, I'm-- not sure that I'm seeing how the two are mutually exclusive. Is Josh an anti witch?

[ wow, she should've thought about what she was saying before she she said it, now josh is going to have an anti-witch reputation and

ugh, here, she'll just be semi-honest. sally shakes her head. ] Okay, forget I said that, Josh has nothing to do with this.

[ oh my god, she's an awful friend - she's glancing to the closed door as if checking to make sure nobody overhears, by reflex more than anything, and: ] Aidan's kind of... Y'know, a vampire? [ she's quick to add: ] But totally not the one that bit me, fuck that guy. [ but she points a finger at him now, the stern kind. ] But I'm seriously only telling you this because I know you totally won't tell anyone.

[Wo-ow. Sirius leans back a little at that reveal, because--right, so, if anyone is about giving fair chances to supposedly Dark creatures, it's Sirius Black. Look what happened with Remus, after all. James Potter is the greatest influence in Sirius' life, but second to that is Remus Lupin, challenging all the shit that Sirius was fed about lesser beings for his first ten years of life.

So, okay: no judgement. And no telling anyone, as well; he can keep a secret. (His ability to keep a secret will in fact eventually cause a great deal of death and trouble.) But a vampire--]

Right, and-- did you meet the vampire that bit you through the vampire that's your friend? Didn't your mum ever tell you not to hang around strange men? [It's sort of a joke, mostly to buy himself some time.] Merlin, Sally.

All right, so-- Aidan's a vampire, and Josh is a werewolf--which I already knew--and you're a werewolf-ghost-witch, not yet added vampire to that mix, despite your best efforts. And Aidan pulled a dead heart out of your chest to fight a Dark witch for you, or possibly to use some Dark magic to bring you back to your body. Possibly a bit of both. Which is, actually, pretty grotty.

Have I got it?

No no - like, Josh was the one who gave Donna the first heart to put me back in my body, that was all him. Aidan just did the part where he pulled out my heart to get rid of Donna. [ the irony of aidan pulling out her heart isn't even remotely lost on her, though it is on him, considering aidan's one of the few things she hasn't told him. ]

And no, I met the other one because right up until he sucked half the liquids out of my body, he was actually a pretty decent guy. [ she scowls a little, then shakes her head. ] He and Aidan pretty much hate each other's guts. Like, he thinks Aidan's crazy, Aidan thinks he's crazy. [ which the bite to the neck pretty much confirms. in retrospect, when has aidan ever legit steered her wrong? ]

Too many hearts.

[He says it dismissively, but that's half because he's still unnerved with the idea of heart-magic and blood-magic and what he's sure is probably some incredibly Dark magic. Sally might just be the girl that everyone warns you about, but not in any way that they ever warned you.

How do you know Aidan isn't going to tear into you too is a question that he thinks--but only for a second, because of course, then, he thinks of Remus. You just know that your friends aren't going to turn on you. He knows that better than anyone.]

Still sounds like poor taste. But vampires exude some something, don't they. S'-- magnetism. [He is very unsure of this, and rather than talk about something he's not sure about, Sirius just goes on.] Anyways, I'm starting to think about encasing you in some glass, or possibly a large bubble. That or appointing myself your personal security detail.

[ her head tilts just slightly, and with a moment of eye contact, she says: ] I wouldn't have a problem with that. [ the security detail idea, obviously. ]

Seriously?

[Si-ri-us-ly, but he lets the joke go by, for once, in favour of arching his eyebrows at her.]

You want me following you around everywhere? [A beat, and then a grin tugs at the corner of his mouth--] What am I saying, 'course you do.

Well okay - hey - maybe not everywhere. [ because that'd get awkward fast. ] But like, if you're off, I don't know, hanging out by yourself or something? You could just totally come hang out here instead.

[Obviously yes not everywhere-everywhere, and he makes allowance for that fact with a wave of his hand.]

Yeah... and Merlin knows you could use a bit of security. I've never met someone who's able to get herself into such trouble, even in space. [And he really is considering this, quite ~~siriusly~~ seriously...] It's not so bad if it's just hanging out.

[ her chin drops into her palm, elbow on the knee of her crossed leg. ] Unless you don't have better things to do. [ there's a teasing note in her tone, so clearly it's not meant as a jab. ]

We-ell, I'll have to check my space schedule, mind you, it's so very full of activities....

[He shifts so he can reach into the back pocket of his jeans--and then freezes, with a grin.]

Oh, hang on, I haven't got a space schedule. Yeah, I s'ppose I can manage hanging around you for hours on end, that sounds like a good use of my time.

It's a fantastic use of your time, [ she corrects, ] And if anyone tells you it's not, they're totally wrong.

Merlin. With reasoning like that, how can I refuse?

[He's grinning, but he makes a big show of flourishing his hand for a handshake, even if they're both sitting on a bed.]

Miss. Shall we shake on it?

[ so she makes her own show of sitting up straight and taking his handshake all professional-like. ] I think we shall.

[She gets a few seconds of very composed handshake out of him--and then he breaks into a grin.]

Brilliant. I'll write you in on every day of my nonexistant schedule. We'll have a great time.

[which is... admittedly not the focus when signing up to be someone's bodyguard but whatever]

Siriusly, [ she agrees, grinning right back. whatever, if he were just being a boring bodyguard she wouldn't have signed on for this anyway. it's not like she's afraid for her safety. the 'having a great time' part is kind of something she's missed, now that she no longer lives with her two roommates. ]

[Maybe the not-being-afraid-for-your-safety is a key factor in you nearly getting killed, Sally, but--

Whatever. Like Sirius spends overmuch time thinking of mortal peril. Should a threat and/or near-death opportunity present itself in Sally's direction, he will be all over it, ready to defend--but he's also in it for the good time, and all the Sirius jokes to come.]

Great. Then we start right now.

[And--suddenly sober again--he points over her shoulder--]

Sally, look out behind you...

[ she knows there's no actual danger behind her, but beyond that, she has no idea what he's playing at. so with a knit brow of amused puzzlement, she's turning to glance back over her shoulder to figure out what he's pointing at. ]

[He gives her three seconds--she looks away, and then one, two, three--

It should be impossible that he could leap on her from the way that he's sitting--cross-legged, elbows on knees--but he does, somehow, lurching across the bit of bed that separates them--not so hard that he'll flatten her, but more like an over-eager dog would leap on you, intent on demonstrating affection.]

Shit! [ she yelps when he leaps, but it's with a grin and followed by a surprised sort of laugh. and all at once, he's more or less on top of her, which rather than complaining about it, she makes simpler by uncrossing her own legs so they're not quite so much in the way.

it takes a second or two of eye contact to realize she's holding her breath, so she exhales slowly. then comes a quiet but teasing: ] You're not so bad at this. [ a beat. ] The whole 'bodyguard' thing. [ whyyyy can she not look in any other direction, if she could she'd sound like 100x less of an idiot, ugh. ]

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oh wait pretend it didn't say drunken cover-up, i got confused which thread this was. whoops.

i just assumed sally had become a total alcoholic but ok

not yet. she might if she runs out of people to hit on but that doesn't seem to be happening

and a fresh crop every month go sally

omg we're doing the security thing??

plays the Bodyguard soundtrack as my answer

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